Chastity and Contentment

Well, since the last post I had another adventure with the elastrator. 1 band for 30 minutes, 10 minute break. 2 bands for 20 minutes, 20 minute break. Finally, 1 band 30 minutes, while being brutally penetrated by the relentless fucking machine. Like the banding from the previous post, it was VERY effective, over 3 weeks with a numb cock, and over a month without cumming, which weirdly didn't freak me out as much as the first time. My cock is a pathetic specimen, useless except for jerking off, which by the end of that 3+ week period, I desperately wanted, needed, though I genuinely don't feel like I deserve the privilege of getting off like a real man.

Life got in the way again, and I fell back into routine, though I had somewhat gotten used to the pointlessness of trying to cum from the lack of sensation, so I haven't been jerking off, or trying to, very often lately. Maybe once a week or every other week. Then, 2 and a half weeks ago, I felt a need, a gut deep hunger to lock up my worthless cock. The urge hit without warning and with a desperation that left me breathless. I was out running errands at the time, and dropped what I was doing to get home and get locked up. The sense of *rightness*, of contentment that I felt as the lock clicked shut is indescrible. It was if I'd been sleepwalking for weeks and had finally woken up.

For the first time I can remember, I slept through the night, the first night of being locked. I'd chosen the super small metal cage without the urethral insert, and experienced no discomfort. By day 2 I barely registered that it was on, just that I was dickless again and it felt so fucking natural. By the end of the first week, the only time it registered that I even *had* a cock was when I'd have to clean the cage (while still locked of course) or take a piss. It was almost a rude shock to recognize I still had the pitiful appendage.

A couple days ago, I took the cage off for the first time in 2 weeks for a thorough cleaning of both my dick and the device. This was extremely hazardous because I was unsupervised since I don't have a key holder and I was (and still am) incredibly horny. But I love the intensity of that need and decided to edge for a bit to my porn of choice: ball busting, elastator cock and/or ball banding, chastity vids (especially where the lock boy is getting fucked), penectomy vids, and finished with solo jerk off videos of guys cumming, knowing I wasn't allowed to. What I'd intended to be a short 30 minute to an hour of edging consumed my whole afternoon, closer to 4 hours, my balls churning, my cock painfully rigid and throbbing, my breath short and strained with desire. And by the end of it, my dick felt strange in my hand. After blissing out for so long with porn, cock free of it's restraints, it felt wrong, and guilt settled in, guilt that I'd be pleasuring myself like a real man. That urge, that need to be locked hit full force and I stuffed my pathetic cock back into it's cage and didn't feel relief till that delicious click of the lock.

It's a couple days later now. I still barely ever notice the device or my useless dick unless I have to handle it. It feels so natural, so normal being without a cock. A small part of me is terrified by this, but the great part of me marvels, wonders at the beauty of being a perfect vessel to serve real men, to worship a cock worthy of adoration without the distraction of my worthless appendage.

I'm locked till at least my birthday later this month. I'll be unlocking for a leather play party and am looking forward to some intense and thorough ass play, but I suspect I won't stay unlocked for long. Self locking is trying, challenging. I know my self control isn't what it ought to be. I keep hoping I'll meet a man who wants a dickless boyfriend, who wants his cock to be the only one that matters in the relationship, who will use me in the bedroom as the cock worshiping, cum hungry, dickless faggot cumdump I want to be, and cherish me for the good person I am outside of it.    

Doubled down...

Well, all the sensation from the banding came back, and much quicker than last time.  The other difference is it seemed to come back all at once, where as after my previous cock-killing-banding-adventure, the feeling came back slowly, and sort of painfully, with burning and tingling.  I was able to edge on the first unlock, though not as much as Id have like.  The second unlock I had someone to help, but that's a story for a different time.

I've decided that since edging with no release is an option on the release wheel, I'm just going to do re-spins and release spins with the main Chastity wheel.  After editing the options, reloading the wheel and spinning, it's time to double down.  15 more days.  I noticed that this time I came awfully close to my dick's untimely demise, with penectomy as the next space as the wheel spun.  It's scary, but a serious turn on somehow.  I wish I knew how to explain it.  But then, if I did, I wouldn't have had to keep this particular kink secret from all my boyfriends over the years.

I'm gonna wait to spin the release wheel till the 15 days are up.  I sort of like the suspense of it.  If it's a "Edge - NO Release" slot, I don't want to know till it's time to re-spin.

Dead dick... again.

So, I didn't learn my lesson. More than a year ago, March of last year, I began using an elastrator tool to "band" my cock. It wasn't the first time I'd done it, and it wasn't the last, but it was one of the most... effective sessions I'd had to date. Banding causes long lasting numbness, and this particular session and method cause numbness for weeks. A form of device-less chastity, and a type of temporary penectomy. After a couple weeks of feeling like I had no cock, I began to worry just as sensation started to return. I'd used a method that I felt would minimize the hazards of banding while maximizing the numbing effect. Band the cock for 20 minutes, cut the band and let it recover for 30 minutes, reband for 20, recovery of 30 minutes and a final 20 minute banding session. The results were startling and a little scary/exciting.

 Recently, life has been very busy and my proclivity for chastity and cock banding has gone by the way side for awhile now. Suddenly, two days ago, I found myself with some alone time on my hands. It'd been over a week since I'd cum. I started out edging for a couple hours to chastity porn, penectomy pics and stories, and doing some ball busting, almost cumming several times.

 I just couldn't help myself. I had to do it. I got out the bander, set the timer for 30 minutes, and waited for my dick to go totally soft. After I was totally soft, I banded my cock as close to the base as I could get it. After starting the timer, I hopped into the shower and started working my hole over hard with some toys. I kept getting close to cumming, but by 20 minutes in, my cock was almost totally numb. It was insanely frustrating, I almost cut the band off to try to cum, but just kept brutally fucking my hole with bigger toys. 

Then the timer went off. I cut the band and went back to riding my toys for 10 minutes. No matter what I did, just could not get over the top and cum. Before I knew it, the 10 minutes was up, and I banded again, setting the timer for 20 minutes this time. I got back into the shower and spent a little longer fucking myself with toys, resigned to the fact that I wasn't gonna be able to cum and focusing on the sensations from my hole instead.

Before the 20 minutes was up, I cleaned up and headed for the bedroom. After the 20 minutes I couldn't feel anything. I clipped the elastrator band and got ready for the finale. I got out the fucking machine and a picked out a long, thick cock to put on it, and got the last band on the elastrator. I got in position, pulled as much of my cock through the band and slipped it free. The ring really dug in deep on the last banding. I slid down the dildo on the fucking machine and turned it on. I set the thrust to it's fastest setting, really violently pounding my hole. I laid back, taking the brutal fucking and idly stroking my numb cock for the last 20 minutes.

About the time the timer went off, I felt something, almost like a need to piss, so when I went to cut off the last band, I did it in the shower. An impressive quantity of clear fluid shot out of my cock as the band was clipped, coating the floor of the shower and leaving it super sticky. Not cum, it was too translucent and thin for cum, and stickier, I'm guessing seminal fluid, so I think I had some sort of internal orgasm from the fucking machine.

 So here I sit now, 2 days later, my totally numb, dead, pathetic cock locked up in it's tiny metal chastity device, the one with the urethral insert. Oddly, just a couple hours after my adventures that evening, I could barely tell it was on. I know I'm going to be going nuts desperate to cum, and sooner and more intensely than even last time I think. I know it will be weeks before I get enough sensation back to cum, and now I'm really wishing I'd let myself cum before that first banding.