Chastity and Contentment

Well, since the last post I had another adventure with the elastrator. 1 band for 30 minutes, 10 minute break. 2 bands for 20 minutes, 20 minute break. Finally, 1 band 30 minutes, while being brutally penetrated by the relentless fucking machine. Like the banding from the previous post, it was VERY effective, over 3 weeks with a numb cock, and over a month without cumming, which weirdly didn't freak me out as much as the first time. My cock is a pathetic specimen, useless except for jerking off, which by the end of that 3+ week period, I desperately wanted, needed, though I genuinely don't feel like I deserve the privilege of getting off like a real man.

Life got in the way again, and I fell back into routine, though I had somewhat gotten used to the pointlessness of trying to cum from the lack of sensation, so I haven't been jerking off, or trying to, very often lately. Maybe once a week or every other week. Then, 2 and a half weeks ago, I felt a need, a gut deep hunger to lock up my worthless cock. The urge hit without warning and with a desperation that left me breathless. I was out running errands at the time, and dropped what I was doing to get home and get locked up. The sense of *rightness*, of contentment that I felt as the lock clicked shut is indescrible. It was if I'd been sleepwalking for weeks and had finally woken up.

For the first time I can remember, I slept through the night, the first night of being locked. I'd chosen the super small metal cage without the urethral insert, and experienced no discomfort. By day 2 I barely registered that it was on, just that I was dickless again and it felt so fucking natural. By the end of the first week, the only time it registered that I even *had* a cock was when I'd have to clean the cage (while still locked of course) or take a piss. It was almost a rude shock to recognize I still had the pitiful appendage.

A couple days ago, I took the cage off for the first time in 2 weeks for a thorough cleaning of both my dick and the device. This was extremely hazardous because I was unsupervised since I don't have a key holder and I was (and still am) incredibly horny. But I love the intensity of that need and decided to edge for a bit to my porn of choice: ball busting, elastator cock and/or ball banding, chastity vids (especially where the lock boy is getting fucked), penectomy vids, and finished with solo jerk off videos of guys cumming, knowing I wasn't allowed to. What I'd intended to be a short 30 minute to an hour of edging consumed my whole afternoon, closer to 4 hours, my balls churning, my cock painfully rigid and throbbing, my breath short and strained with desire. And by the end of it, my dick felt strange in my hand. After blissing out for so long with porn, cock free of it's restraints, it felt wrong, and guilt settled in, guilt that I'd be pleasuring myself like a real man. That urge, that need to be locked hit full force and I stuffed my pathetic cock back into it's cage and didn't feel relief till that delicious click of the lock.

It's a couple days later now. I still barely ever notice the device or my useless dick unless I have to handle it. It feels so natural, so normal being without a cock. A small part of me is terrified by this, but the great part of me marvels, wonders at the beauty of being a perfect vessel to serve real men, to worship a cock worthy of adoration without the distraction of my worthless appendage.

I'm locked till at least my birthday later this month. I'll be unlocking for a leather play party and am looking forward to some intense and thorough ass play, but I suspect I won't stay unlocked for long. Self locking is trying, challenging. I know my self control isn't what it ought to be. I keep hoping I'll meet a man who wants a dickless boyfriend, who wants his cock to be the only one that matters in the relationship, who will use me in the bedroom as the cock worshiping, cum hungry, dickless faggot cumdump I want to be, and cherish me for the good person I am outside of it.    

Doubled down...

Well, all the sensation from the banding came back, and much quicker than last time.  The other difference is it seemed to come back all at once, where as after my previous cock-killing-banding-adventure, the feeling came back slowly, and sort of painfully, with burning and tingling.  I was able to edge on the first unlock, though not as much as Id have like.  The second unlock I had someone to help, but that's a story for a different time.

I've decided that since edging with no release is an option on the release wheel, I'm just going to do re-spins and release spins with the main Chastity wheel.  After editing the options, reloading the wheel and spinning, it's time to double down.  15 more days.  I noticed that this time I came awfully close to my dick's untimely demise, with penectomy as the next space as the wheel spun.  It's scary, but a serious turn on somehow.  I wish I knew how to explain it.  But then, if I did, I wouldn't have had to keep this particular kink secret from all my boyfriends over the years.

I'm gonna wait to spin the release wheel till the 15 days are up.  I sort of like the suspense of it.  If it's a "Edge - NO Release" slot, I don't want to know till it's time to re-spin.

Quick Update

Life is hell on toast just now. The most serious issue is that it looks like I'll be out of work in less than 2 weeks. Once life calms down again, I'll definitely be back to writing, and locking, I miss them both.

Cheers!

A-sploded...

What an eventful weekend. 0.o

This past Wednesday marked the 4 week mark for me, by far and away the -longest- I've gone self locked. As of today (well technically yesterday, it's past midnight now), I've gone 31 days, even by the strictest of measurements, that's a month.

And tonight, I a-sploded. It was messy, it was gratifying as fuck, and now that the pressure's gone, I feel deflated, if that makes -any- sense. It was so worth it though, but I still miss the pressure.

So, the lead up to the epic mess.

Wednesday sort of came and went with little, or rather no fanfare at all. Really, the only thing of note, was a short conversation with a friend about giving me a hand on Saturday. Yes, that's my personal euphemism for getting fisted. Lol.

I worked extra hours the beginning of the week in order to afford to take a long 4 day weekend.

I spent at least 2 hours Thursday night edging before locking up and going to bed. On Friday morning I spent another 3 hours edging before locking up again. When I went to take my shower, I was almost literally pissing pre-cum while teasing my hole with some rather thick toys. The entire floor of the tub was sticky, and took some effort to scrub up. (Which is necessary for 2 reasons. One: courtesy for my lesbian best friend and roomie. And two: We have low-wattage kitties who like to play in the tub. Does "There's Something About Mary" cum to mind?)

Friday night, I decided I wanted to run around nekkid and shock and appall the boys down at the bath house. The people-watching while locked is spectacular.

I also decided to take a page out of my fictional characters' books, and get into some trouble. Or rather, get some trouble into me.

I decided I was going to randomize my next lock-up period. Despite it being a bath house, I'm still sorta picky about guys I'll play with, so I wasn't -too- worried about biting off more than I could chew.

The idea I formulated on the way to the bath house was this: 1 day out of chastity for every guy I let fuck me, -but- 1 week locked back up for the same number of guys. As I failed to bring a ruler with me, I figured it would be easier than estimating inches.

To add a little more danger and chance to it. If it was an even number, I'd unlock and do it again at the end of the period. If it was an odd number, i.e. one week, I'd remain locked after that period was up, and try my luck again and hope for an even number.

As it happened, 4 guys, 4 days of being unlocked, remembering what it is I'm missing while locked, and 4 MORE weeks of chastity.

To be fair, I set a cut off time, so I couldn't try for "just one more" to get an even number.

I do wonder though. It didn't happen this time, but it has happened before. Should getting fingered count as a week? How about getting fisted? Or should I only count cock? What do you think?

So that was Friday night. Now onto Saturday.

Saturday started out with my lesbian and I going to get a massage. Since I was planning on popping the release valve today, I went ahead and unlocked. As entertaining as it is to see the reaction of the massage therapists when they notice the device, I opted to go without it for the day.

The massage was amazing, but I felt weird without the device on. Once we got home, I immediately went and put on a ball stretcher and a cock ring. While better than nothing at all, it still felt odd.

Then it was off to coffee with friends. What that generally ends up looking like is: a bunch of gay and bi, kinky Leathermen and one lesbian. Mine. The conversation is always entertaining, the discourse unfailingly engrossing and intelligent, and more often than not, funny as hell.

From coffee, it was off to a local gay (and bi) men's monthly Leather event. This was the event I'd asked my friend to do a scene with me at on Wednesday. Humorously enough, the serendipity fairy made an appearance: the demo for the night was on fisting.

My scene went -very- well. My friend has large hands, and I didn't think he'd actually be able to get one all the way in, but DAMN, he's good at what he does. Once his hand slid in, holy-fucking-mary-mother-fucking-jezus-christ-on-a-popscicle-stick. I blew, and that's not just empty vernacular. Generally I'm a dribbler when I cum, but I exploded everywhere. I haven't made a mess like that since I was in my early 20s.

And oh it was good. But there was one little problem: he still had to get his hand back -out-. Lol. He managed very gracefully though, but I still couldn't move for almost 10 minutes. It was like muted fireworks going off in my crotch for a good 3 minutes, and just plain stunned for the next 6 or 7.

After a shower, cleaning up lube and the cum that got places that shocked and impressed me to no end, I spent the rest of the evening in a contented haze before heading home. Ravenous, but feeling good.

So here I sit, at Perkings, nomming some mediocre, overpriced grub and filling you in on the latest, dear reader. Next lock up will begin again on a Wednesday, the 13. With any luck, I'll be able to keep a better record of the experience this time around, even if it means typing on my not-so-smart phone while at lunch at work.

Feedback, ideas, questions, comments, rambling, and incoherent gibberings welcome and appreciated.

Cheers,
Rogin

Penis: 1 CB6K: 0

Ok, so it's not what you think. I have -not- cum yet, and it's almost day 14.

*looks at clock*

A long 2 weeks. Lol. So, yesterday, I wanted to try and go down a ring size on my device. The size I was in was fine, but didn't feel -quite- snug enough.

Holy crap! I could -barely- get the bits to fit inside. LOTS of pinching was endured, but I finally got the bits in place. With such a tight fit, that of course trapped blood in my boynub (I'm starting to take a real liking to that term ;P ) making it even more difficult to get the device re-secured.

Finally, I got everything stuffed in, and felt that little thrill once again as the lock went "click." God I love that sound.

This was just before heading off to sleep. I took a shower first, played with some obscenely thick toys, then crawled into bed. I managed to fall asleep relatively easy, but then woke a few hours later, my boys feeling tender and looking a little swollen. I applied more lotion, tugged and shifted things a bit, then tried to get back to sleep. The skin on my sack was feeling a little tender, but after about an hour a fell asleep again.

Only to wake up -again-. This time, the swelling was definitely noticeable. Odd, I thought, I hadn't had this issue ever before, but then I'd never tried to cram myself into that smaller ring before.

After reading the struggles others have had trying to find a good fit, I thought I'd give it a little more time and see if the bits would adjust to the tighter confinement. My balls felt fine, not cold or turning dark. However, there was an issue with pissing. The constriction did cause some post urinal dripping, which was annoying, but I figured I could find some solution.

Till just about an hour before I got off work. I spent a good portion of the day constantly running to the restroom to add more lotion to the increasingly uncomfortable and irritated skin of my sack. On the last trip, I went to add lotion and the ring -snapped-. Apparently I have more meat down there than I've generally given myself credit for having, lol. The skin looked red and irritated along my sack, and the skin on the base of my shaft was raised where it was trapped between the ring and the cage. I'd never had that happen before, and it looked very odd, but faded before I got home.

So I was unlocked for about 2 hours, and, oddly, couldn't wait to get home and lock back up. The thought of using the opportunity to squeeze out a quick one never even crossed my mind till after I heard the lock click.

So I'm back in my established "good fit" ring and the irritation is already gone. I honestly don't think I can go down a size on the post either, but may try that after this current lock up. Right now I'm just happy to be locked again and horny.

Cheers all!
Rogin

New Fiction & Lack of Friction

*growls*

So it's been over a week and a half self locked. I locked up on Wednesday of last week, and only unlocked for a little while yesterday to go in for a waxing appointment. Busy as I've been, it hasn't been too bad, but god -damn- I'm feeling the pressure. It was so hard not to do anything while unlocked, but a friend who's also self locked has resisted the urge, so I did too. Thanks for the nudge to behave cody.

So the waxing went well, though I remember now why it's been almost a year since I've done it. Ow, ow, ow, ow. I get light hair on my back, and I hate it, so I did the back, shoulders, and decided to do a Brazilian wax. The odd thing? Having hair ripped out of my junk doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the hair over my shoulder blades. I don't get that. But I'm smooth now, relocked, and feeling a little like I have blue balls.

As for the fiction, I refuse to try to type it out on my cell phone. Lol. As such, my time has been limited, and sitting down on the laptop to write hasn't been easy, but I'm trying to -make- time to continue the story. I'm going to make an effort to release at least one part every other week if I can. It's turning out to be harder than staying locked up. 0.o

As always, feedback is appreciated, and seriously wanted.

Cheers all!

The itching is -EPIC-

2011. Jeeeez, where the hell did 2010 go? For that matter, where did the first couple months of this year go?

A lot has happened in the past year. I've been unexpectedly laid off, found a new job; been locked by a friend for long periods of time, been unlocked, sadly, even longer; dated, or at least tried to. It ain't easy being kinky. But at the turn of the new year, I decided I wanted to get back into chastity. I was afraid that chastity would present a distraction from trying to resolve other issues in my life. Now, I'm not so certain, and I -miss- it.

I've been self locking while looking to find a KH, a week here, a few days there. The goal is to get used to the device again. Still having a lot of trouble sleeping with one on. The solid steel Fort has been lovingly retired for the time being, and I'm using the CB6000. I love my Fort, but it's just so damned heavy, and the hinge ring is still an issue. The silicone cock sleeve helps, but it isn't an ideal solution. So for the time being, I'm sticking with the lighter, chrome finish 6k.

I've already managed to get myself into some trouble at the bath house here. I still love showing off my locked cock, even if it's self locked for the time being. And apparently, there's more guys out there than I thought, that find it just as erotic to see as I do to show it off. Perhaps a story for a later post.

I've also attempted the shaving thing. I'm am -so- not practiced at shaving the bits. I did manage not to mangle anything in the attempt, but I'm definitely not good at it. Lack of practice I suppose. But it grows back in so quick, and it's -itchy-!! So, I'm letting the hair grow back out some.

Last year, before my trip to the hot springs, I went for a wax, including a brazillian. And, honestly, I actually sort of enjoyed the experience. So I'm going to splurge and am planning on a return trip to the same salon to get waxed again soon.

So that's the update thus far. There will be more, and hopefully soon. I hope to get some fiction finished this weekend to post as well.

Here's to an interesting, and hopefully interesting to read, 2011. Wish me luck! Cheers, Rogin.